Self-Esteem

Ask parents, educators and psychologists whether self-esteem is good and their unanimous answer will be "yes." In fact, in a recent study, when a group of mothers from diverse backgrounds were asked what they would most like to impart to their children, they almost all answered "high self-esteem." Having a positive self-image, the theory goes, is an important ingredient for successful living.And yet, look up "self-esteem" in the thesaurus and you will find a list of words that have negative connotations, words like arrogance, cockiness, conceit, disdain, egotism, haughtiness, narcissism, vanity.
Without hair-splitting, a more correct way to describe that which parents hope they will be able to build in their children is self- assurance, synonymous with aplomb, confidence, poise, and presence.
This little discussion leaves us with two questions:
How do we assure that we and our children have a healthy self-image
Is there a way to insure that by building up the self-image we won't fall into the trap of egotism, etc.
In Jewish teachings, a positive self-image is established through re-cognizing one's standing in the world.It is not for naught that the first person, Adam, was created alone, unlike the other creatures, which were created in pairs or multiples. The Mishna explains, "For this reason was Adam created as an individual in order to teach you that one person equals a whole world."
Chasidic philosophy expounds on this thought saying, "This indicates emphatically that one single individual has the capacity to bring the whole of creation to fulfillment, as was the case with the first person."
The Talmud takes the idea of a person being equal to the whole world a step further and declares that if one saves the life of another person, it is considered as if he saved the entire world.
However, concentrating on such eloquent Jewish teachings could possibly bring one to self-esteem and not self-assurance. Rather, it is important to temper these teachings, which is exactly what some of the Chasidic masters did in their own, succinct way.
Rabbi Noach of Lechovitch taught, "A person is, as is known, a small world. This means that if he is a world in his eyes, he is actually small. But if he is small in his eyes, then he is a world."
Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Pshischa taught that, "A person should always have two teachings in his pockets. In one pocket there should be the verse, 'I am but dust and ashes.' In the other pocket should be the verse, 'The entire world was created for me.' "
Of course, part of building up a positive self-image includes under- standing who we are and who we are not.
Rabbi Zushe of Anipoli said, "If they will ask me in the World of Truth, 'Why weren't you like Moses?' I will know what to answer. But if they will ask me, 'Why weren't you Zushe?' I will not have an answer."
The Baal Shem Tov taught that every Jew is a cherished land. Just as the earth has precious stones and metals hidden within, so does every Jew have treasures hidden within him.
One of his disciples, Rabbi Pinchas of Koretz expanded on this thought by adding that within every person there is something precious that is not found in any other person.
But, nothing could be a greater boost to one's sense of self-worth than knowing that one's existence in this world is for a purpose - to make the world a dwelling place for G-d.