Honor, Esteem & Respect

Though published over a decade ago, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus is still garnering pop-culture references in all forms of media. Well, long before John Gray's book ever hit the bestsellers list, Judaism always opined that men and women are different!In the Talmud, our Sages say it clearly and succinctly: "Women are a people unto themselves."
Since men and women are different and Judaism acknowledges these differences, the Torah has much to say about the relationship between husband and wife.
The Talmud advises husbands, "Love your wife as much as yourself and honor her more than yourself."
Maimonides suggests to wives, "Honor your husband more than is necessary."
Honor, esteem, and respect - these are fundamental aspects of a Jewish marriage.
But what about love? Isn't love an integral component of a Torah marriage?
Let's look at the Jewish concept of love.
The word for love in Hebrew is "ahava" which comes from the word "hav," meaning "give."
The world says, "What can I get out of this marriage? What can I gain? What's in it for me?"
The Torah says, "What can I put into this relationship? What can I give?" The Torah teaches us that the way to foster love is not by taking but rather by giving, and being a willing and active recipient.
Just for a minute, think about that cute little baby - your own child, the neighbor's, your niece or nephew, or grandchild.
A natural reaction when around an infant is to pick it up, and cuddle it. Before you know it, you'll find yourself saying "I love you" to the baby. What has the baby given to you? Nothing. But you are giving to the baby - hugs, cuddles, kisses, coos - and this giving evokes in you a love for the baby.
Society teaches that each of us is the center of the world.
The Torah, however, teaches that G-d is the center of the world.
If we make room in our lives, and especially in our marriages, not only for our partner, but also for G-d, we have a tested formula for a stable marriage.
This is beautifully expressed by our Sages in their discussion of husband and wife.
"Man" in Hebrew is "ish"; woman is "isha."
Both words have two letters in common, "alef" and "shin," which spell "fire."
The two disparate letters are "yud" and "hei."
When yud and hei are combined they spell one of G-d's names. When husband and wife live without G-d in their midst, all that is left is "aish" - an all-consuming fire.
The Torah calls the wedding ceremony "kidushin," meaning "sanctification."
And the word for marriage comes from the Hebrew "to lift up."
If husband and wife devote themselves to lifting each other up throughout the ups and downs of marriage by following the guidelines of the Torah, they will be truly sanctified and their marriage will be holy.