A Zalman Moment

Last Shabbat, the 21st of Tammuz, marks the first yartzeit of my father-in-law, Rabbi Shneur Zalman Shagalov. Self-sacrifice for Reb Zalman, as he was affectionately known, was a way of life. In 1937, when he was only five years old, the Communist regime arrested and executed his father, Rabbi Yitzchok Elchonon Shagalov for his "anti-government" actions of teaching Torah to Jewish children and for being a mohel (ritual circumciser) and shochet (ritual slaughterer). His widow, Rebbetzin Maryashe Garelik Shagalov, who passed away this year at age 106, continued to raise Reb Zalman and his five siblings alone, with a strong Chasidic upbringing under the most difficult conditions.

Throughout his life, Reb Zalman was actively devoted to helping Jewish refugees from the Former Soviet Union and was personally responsible for thousands of children and adults undergoing brit mila (circumcision).
Till the last day of his life, Reb Zalman continued to help Russian immigrants, whether it was shoes, pots and pans to make a kosher kitchen, a family's rent, enrolling the children in Jewish schools, making peace between husband and wife, or a warm smile and encouragement. If food or clothing was needed for families who were too embarrassed to go themselves to receive a public donation, Reb Zalman would stand in line for them for as long as necessary. He did everything in a quiet way without making a big fuss.

Reb Zalman is best known for his warm smile and his tremendous love of his fellow Jew, which he did with the utmost genuine humility and simplicity. He always greeted everyone he met, Jew and non-Jew, with a smile and loving concern. During shiva (week of mourning), many people said that they felt they had lost their best friend. Even the UPS driver came upstairs with tears in his eyes, telling us that the night before, every time he tried to fall asleep, he saw Reb Zalman's face and smile and he missed him very much. He recalled the previous winter when Reb Zalman at age 74 offered to help him push his UPS truck when it got stuck in the snow.

Shortly before he passed away, while walking to shul, Reb Zalman spotted a young man who had grown up in a religious home but who had become disconnected from the Torah way of life. He called the boy's name and waved for him to come over to him. The boy waved back saying, "Old man, if you want to talk to me, you can come over here." Reb Zalman crossed the street with a warm smile and put his arms around the boy, gave him a big kiss, and lovingly told him, "You could be my son!" The boy came to Reb Zalman's funeral wearing a yarmulke on his head, something he had not done for a long time, and told the family that Reb Zalman's hug and kiss had put him back on the Torah path.

When Reb Zalman's five-year-old granddaughter, Michal was asked what she missed most about her grandfather, she summed it up for all who knew him when she said, "The way he loves me!" One day during the shiva I was in the grocery store. As I waited in line, ahead of me were two young brothers who were buying groceries for their family. Their groceries cost $42.86, but as the boys only had $40, they asked the cashier to put $2.86 on their family's credit account. The cashier said, "I can't put any money on this account because it's already over the limit." The boys pleaded with her but the cashier, who was new, just repeated, "I can't do it. Your account is over the limit!" Finally she called the manager over and he extended the family's credit.

I paid for my groceries and left the store thoughtfully. I knew that I had just missed an important moment, what we now call, "The Zalman Moment." I was wrapped up in my own little world while I was waiting in line, but as I left the store, I realized that if Reb Zalman had been standing where I was standing, he would have tuned into the moment of their need and quietly paid the cashier the amount that they were short, without any fuss. I felt so bad about missing that "Zalman Moment," that I decided to return to the store. I spoke to the manager and told him that I wanted to put money on the family's account so that they would no longer be over the limit. The manager looked at me strangely for a moment and then his face lit up. He said, "No, you don't understand. The family doesn't have trouble paying the bill; they were just out of town and haven't had a chance to come in and take care of it and my cashier who is new didn't know what to do. May you merit to do more mitzvot!"

As I returned home with the groceries, I had another "Zalman Moment."

I passed by one of the ladies on the corner who asks for charity.
Instead of just handing her a quarter and rushing on, I paused and held her hand for a moment as I gave her the coin and a blessing. Tears came to her eyes and a big smile as she blessed me also.

When I came into the house, I told the family about my "Zalman Moments"
- how my perception was starting to change and deepen as I look at the world the way that I imagine Zalman sees it - looking outward at other's pain and then doing something to lessen their pain.

Our daughter Chaya Sara left for California soon after that, and she called us from the airport all excited. "I just had a Zalman Moment!"
she said, "I was paying for something in one of the airport shops. When the cashier routinely said, 'Hi, how are you today?' I answered her, 'I'm fine. How are you?' and then I waited for her to answer. Her face lit up with the biggest smile as she realized somebody really wanted to know about her day."